Introducing Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen

by Christopher Brailey

TIRED OF TUGGING THE SAME OLD STICK? DOES YOUR DICK MAKE WOMEN SICK? REST EASY, THE PENIS OF YOUR DREAMS IS CURRENTLY BEING DEVELOPED IN A FACTORY WEST OF CHINA*.

PRE-ORDER YOUR Chris Brailey’s DREAM PEEN TODAY FOR JUST 450 EASY INSTALMENTS OF $250 AND GET 2 FREE ADDITIONAL FORESKINS (CHOOSE FROM A LEOPARD, ZEBRA, OR MIRRORBALL PRINT). THE FIRST 10 LIKERS WILL GET A LIMITED EDITION GAME OF THRONES DRAGON HEAD* BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! LIKE IN THE NEXT TEN MINUTES TO GET A BONUS BIRTH CONTROL SWITCH. TERMS AND HEALTH CONDITIONS APPLY*.

* The first 25 Chris Brailey’s DREAM PEANS will be manufactured and fitted in my garage until demand increases and production can be moved off shore to China.

* Game of Thrones Dragon head does not breath actual fire. May cause skin irritation.

* This sale agreement is a legally binding contract between you and Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd.

Chris Brailey’s DREAM PEEN Pty. Ltd. reserves the right to change the terms and conditions on this site without notice to you. You will be bound by the terms and conditions operating at the time you placed your order with us.
All prices include GST.
Title to the goods purchased by you remains with us until you have paid for them. Once the goods are paid for in full, the title will pass to you.
Where goods are not purchased for your personal or household or domestic use, Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. expressly excludes all conditions and warranties, expressed or implied, as to merchantability, fitness for purpose.
Orders made by you for products on our website or in our catalogues are not binding on Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. until accepted by us.
You are unable to change or cancel your order after we have accepted it unless your order is not received by you within 28 business days.
Access to the Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. website shall be provided by your internet service provider. Chris Brailey’s Dream peen Pty. Ltd. will not be liable for failure of service by your internet service provider.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. will send you the goods you ordered within 28 business days of receipt of your payment. If your order is not received within this time, you are able to cancel your order with a 100% refund, including all postage and handling charges. In this event, please call the customer service centre to redeem your refund.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. offers at least a thirty day return policy on all products. This excludes free trial offers which do not incur a product charge until after 30 days.
Your money back guarantee or free trial period begins on the day your product is delivered to your nominated address and Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. allows 7 business days for your product to arrive back with us after your money back or free trial period.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. may offer more than a thirty day return policy on selected products at its discretion and subject to change without notice.
Under the thirty day return policy, Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. will reimburse you the cost of your product if returned because you have changed your mind or for a reason other than fault or failure. Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. will not refund the postage and handling on the product returned under this clause.
Money back guarantees are not offered on free trial products as they do not incur a product charge at the time of order.
Where a product is returned under warranty, Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. will refund your postage and handling costs provided your product meets all of the warranty requirements and you have a copy of the return postage receipt. Please call the customer service centre to redeem your refund.
You must call Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. on to obtain a product return number prior to returning your product.
The product must be returned complete with all contents as shipped to you, including any free gifts with purchase.
You must enclose the following details with the returned product:
1. A copy of your invoice
2. Your product return number
3. Your contact telephone number.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen. Ltd. will not be responsible for items that are lost or misdirected. Return postage and handling back to us may exceed the costs of postage and handling charged by Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. and you are strongly advised to send your returned product by registered post.
You may not return goods to Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. after the thirty day return period has expired unless they are deemed faulty and you are exercising your rights under statutory conditions and warranties that cannot be excluded.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. may advertise payment plans where you pay the purchase price of the goods you have ordered by monthly instalment. If you pay by credit card you agree that Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. may debit your card each instalment until payment in full.
If Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. attempts to debit your card and you have insufficient funds to pay the instalment, we may at our discretion ask you to do one or more of the following things:
1. pay the missed instalment;
2. pay any charges or fees charged to Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. for the failed attempt to debit the instalment amount;
3. pay the balance owing on your account immediately.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. may report you to a credit reporting agency if you default in payment of the goods.
Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. may charge you interest calculated daily at the rate of 9% per annum on the balance outstanding on your account from the date payment was due until payment in full if you default in payment of your account.
If you default in any payments due to Chris Brailey’s Dream Peen Pty. Ltd. you agree to pay us on demand all reasonable costs, expenses and liabilities incurred by us in connection with or in the actual or attempted exercise or enforcement of this sale agreement.
This sale agreement shall be governed by the law of the State of New South Wales.
This sale agreement contains all the terms and conditions contained in our contract with you, and cannot be modified without the written consent of either party.
If you disagree with any of the terms contained in this sale agreement, then please do not shop at this website.

Absurd By The Word