A face that says it all.
If there was a voice that summed up Monday it would sound something like Morrisey. If Monday was a face it would look like Daria. If Monday had a flavour it would be Tofu. If Monday had a texture it would resemble Sandpaper. Thank God it’s not always Monday.
Andrew Nguyen and Korina Chow. From 23 to 73 in just 3 hours bath time
Ever wondered what it might be like to make love when you’re old and wrinkly? Simple: stay in the bath that little bit longer. That’s right, they’re calling it Bath Age, and it’s the latest trend being soaked up by hip millennials.
The bath craze was believed to be inspired by Rookie founder and socialite – Tavi Gevinson, who published a series of risqué images of what looked like a senior version of herself, revealing a fair amount of wrinkled thigh. Fans of the tween icon were initially shocked, wondering if their idol was suffering from the side effects of excessive smoking. However, Tavi’s people were quick to kill the rumour, responding with a rejuvenated image of Tavi’s skin restored in all its glamour with the caption and hashtag: show us your #bathage.
Since then selfies of teens looking like their grandparents have flooded social media. Instagram has been inundated with retro-chic filtered images of wrinkled hands: knitting, making tea, and gardening. Pop culture and social media expert Sophie Banks believes it’s simply a natural progression for young people obsessed with all things old and vintage.
‘When you think about it, it’s a natural evolution of the whole retro-hipster thing. Vintage cameras, filters, fashion, music, and now skin! With #bathage you can even look vintage, you know.’
The art of staying in the bath too long has inspired curious young couples to experiment with the idea of having sex with a wrinkled partner. Jessie, a 24 year old barista from Collingwood, says it’s helped change her perception of old people.
‘Yeah, I mean, like, I’ve always thought getting old and still having sex was gross. Like, picturing your grandparents still going at it. It’s weird. But me and my boyfriend thought we’d give it a try, so we took a 3 hour bath. I’ve got to admit, And I never thought I’d say this, but, it was like a turn on.’
Sophie Banks believes that the idea of experimenting with extended baths is a tempting thought. A preview of what’s to come, so to speak.
‘I’m not suggesting that everyone is going to use baths as a way of glimpsing into the future, and take up wrinkly love making. But if young people can grow an appreciation for vintage skin, then they may just gain some respect for their elders who still possess the desire to ‘go at it’ you know.’
Brands have already jumped on the trend, with Dove rushing out the release of a new bubble bath product designed to speed up the ageing process of a bath. Rather than spending your whole night in the bath, you can achieve the desired ageing process in just minutes. And better yet, the bubbles help prolong your wrinkles for longer love making.
Will you show the world your #bathage?
Twelve Years a Slave on DVD, Candles, Moist Towelettes, Condoms, Lubricant & Banana.
The weather is a topic I prefer to avoid. It’s absolutely pointless. Unless I’m having my hair cut, then it’s a necessity. Because hairdressers are always asking what your plans are for the weekend. And there’s simply not enough weekends (past or present) to get me through a wash, cut and dry. So unless we enjoy same TV shows, or share an interest in silence, the weather will no doubt manage to cut in.
We all understand that the weather is only brought up when there’s nothing much else to talk about. It can be called upon to break the ice or simply pass the time. It’s the king of small talk. Why? Because It’s not difficult to know about the weather, just look outside and you’re instantly up-to-date. And it’s pretty difficult to offend anybody in a conversation about the weather. The only thing you can disagree on is the temperature. But it’s unlikely that you’re going to get into a fist fight over whether you prefer the warm or the cold. Since you’re reading this, I guess you have nothing better to do. So I’m going to explain why the cold weather, trumps the warm weather.
Am I crazy for thinking this? Beaches, pool parties and bikinis: they’re all linked with warm weather. This is an error of association, you see. People enjoy being warm. They don’t enjoy being cold. Simple. Which is why winter takes the cake. The experience of warming up gives far more pleasure than that of cooling down. Think about it. In summer, when you’re at the beach or swimming pool, you’re practically forced into the cold water to cool down. You could be boiling hot and you have to be dared or pushed into the water. ‘1.2,3 jump!’ They scream. If you’re like me, you rarely ever jump on three. And why the hell would you? It’s like leaving the warmth of summer and plunging into winter with one single leap. You have to be pushed in, against your will. See, here’s the thing: if you’re cold, you don’t need to be dared to move closer to the heater or fire. You volunteer. Nobody who is cold and shivering dips their toe under a warm blanket, before snuggling on the couch in front of the TV. And you definitely don’t count to three before jumping into a warm bed on a brisk winter’s night, right? I didn’t think so. Anyway, enough about the weather. What have you got planned this weekend?
Absurd By The Word 