The Cubicle Stand Off

Three men sit patiently with their pants around their ankles. It’s a cubicle stand off (or sit off). Tension mounts. Stomachs groan. Nobody knows who they’re up against within the vague privacy of their cubicle walls. Even so, nobody wants to make the first bowl movement, or pass wind within earshot of the other. So they wait. And wait. And wait. Then one man caves. He flushes the toilet; unable to cope with the pressure, he leaves without letting it go. He’ll have to hold it in until the coast is clear, which could be all day, it’s a busy office, and coffee flows freely.

It’s down to just… The door opens. Someone new enters. Both men hold their breath. Luckily, he unzips. He’s just taking a leak. This will buy them some time, not that they needed it. The new comer is oblivious to the dual and lets one rip. Both men silently applaud his bravery, whilst clutching their knees in jealousy. The man leaves without washing his hands. Both men ponder his identity.

They’ve been missing from their desks for over 20 minutes now. That’s enough time to warrant suspicion. Nothing they haven’t dealt with before. Both have survived investigation from desk neighbours over the course of their careers. Even so, the inability to defecate in public has cost them great jobs in the past.

Neither man moves any closer to letting go. What they’re holding inside now is much more than a plate of lunch that has overstayed its welcome. No, they’re holding onto their dignity. They’ve waited this long, what’s another five minutes? Then the fire alarm sounds, activating the sprinklers. Sitting their drenched, neither man moves. Instead, they wait. And wait. And wait.