Bigger Isn’t Better

I officially moved into a bigger stomach over the holidays to fit in all the junk I ate at Christmas. And sadly,it’s way too big for any of my pants. My trainer says I’m going to be in exercise debt for at least 12 months to pay it all off. So I’ve been trying to return everything I ate over the break, and it turns out they don’t refund or exchange even if you keep your receipt. So now I’m stuck carrying around this flabby thing that’s too big for the rest of my body. And it only seems to be growing.

Christmas Gone Wrong

When opening your presents please beware

Whether naughty or nice you’re in for a scare

Because the toys inside have completely lost their mind

They’ll pull your hair, scratch your face and be anything but kind

So run for the hills, run for your lives

It’s the only way you’re going to survive

Take it from me, it’s time to go flee

Before you get sucked into the Christmas tree.